Grandmothers dying, husbands being diagnosed with cancer, jobs lost, companies axed and divorces sprung out of nowhere. Overnight. And you had no way to see it coming the way it did. You have read the books, done the degree, you've 'planned' and you've 'managed' or if appropriate you've 'created a space' for what you want to appear - in fact you created the space a few months ago...and yet nothing. You are on a one way street to misery, and maybe taking someone you love with you.
Actually you are simply being tested at this time. Asked to take a second (or seventieth) look at something, go back again and redo, revisit or choose a different option. This might sound religious, or philosophical, but any scientist will well understand the concept of testing a hypothesis, recreating conditions and changing formulas so many times until you can't do it anymore, and succeeding on the 99th try. We also get into this situation when we get into repeat patterns in our life. Always ending up broke, always ending up in a dead end job we have no passion for, always ending up cheating, or being taken advantage of.
This idea of trial and error (or as I like to call it trial and success, because that's what you'll get eventually) is what defines our human spirit. What's led to the greatest technological innovations that we all enjoy, and what makes our designer's brains unique in this world. And you know what? It's all part of the matrix we live in. If you follow the idea that time is not linear, then you'll already understand that there is never any real urgency, never any real lack and never any real suffering. It is all completely relative, and temporary. That is probably my most 'new-agey' 'out there' belief, and won't sit well with everybody - at least at first. When life presents you with a set of circumstances that lead you to only one conclusion, and you try to push back only to be blocked, you start to see something more to it though.
If you are in a situation where you have failed, that isn't anything other than exactly what it's meant to be. If you're being asked to do ten more things than there were in the job description, it's because according to the universe you are the one who is meant to do them - or to learn to say no. If you're in extreme pain, while no one would actually wish that on anybody else, it's how it's meant to be. Here's one to really make you think - if someone is really, truly and honestly annoying you, bothering you and making your skin crawl, then it's absolutely how it's meant to be. You can get through it by learning to love what is. It's not a simple process, but it will produce shifts in your life you never ever imagined would be possible and will make dire circumstances completely fine and dandy with you. There's someone who is an absolute master at this - her name is Byron Katie and she is one of my growing number of heroes. Please read her book Loving What Is and do the four questions exercise, it's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
There's something we can all take comfort in if we believe it - that you aren't presented with anything you weren't meant to be presented with. And if you are going through a crisis, it's because you're strong enough to deal with it. I've had my own massive healing crisis these past couple of years, and it's only intensified as it's worn on. Every month I would start to think 'is it ending'? only to see that it's just changed shape slightly, or i've finished one aspect. It also threw me way back, and caught me off guard when things got a lot worse just after they'd been slowly getting better. But I sat down and tried to reason with my circumstances. And I sought help. I spent money I didn't have, and talked to people who have given me various ways of looking at things happening to me.
I prioritised getting better because I couldn't do anything else. And as I dealt with one thing, grew from it, managed it, the next thing cropped up. It felt like 'why me'? and felt like it was forever most of the time, until I finally understood that each challenge is a sign that i've outgrown the baby steps and 'normal' issues i've faced. I've grown into a whole new set of circumstances that are bigger, more important, more purposeful. So I can cope with more. And I cope better. The periods of down time don't last as long, arguments get easier. The voices telling you to give up seem to shut up at least for a while. I can see how far there is still for me to go, but I can also see how far i've come.
The mission here is to learn acceptance. It's not about willpower, it's not about being 'strong enough' or 'smart' or any of that other stuff. The pure and simple, delicious truth is that whatever you need to change in your life will move like a bullet train once you have done the work involved in accepting it first. If what we resist persists, then surely what we embrace will change right? Absolutely.
To book a session with me and discuss how you can learn to love what is in your life, e-mail me on thedeanoffood@gmail.com
